Fiction

A Brush with the Devil

     The old, chubby man watched in horror as two demons dragged the fellow in front of him towards a boat on a steaming lake. The Devil, behind a great ivory desk, touched his finger to a stack of paper, incinerating the top piece.
     "Next," the Devil said, skimming the following page. "Hmmm, says you grew up a Christian boy, Christian family, in a mostly Christian farm town. How the Hell did you end up here?”
     "I...I don't know," the ground shook with the old, chubby man’s body, complementing his fear.
     "Stop that!" the Devil commanded. "You're gonna knock my things over!"
     "Sorry!"
     The Devil straightened the stack then stared blankly. "Well, you don't seem like the murderous type. Let's see what we've got here." He glanced at the paper. "Mhmmm..."
     "I've been devout my whole life!” The old, chubby man interjected. “I'm...I'm not supposed to be here."
     The Devil laughed. "If I had an ice cube for each time I heard that...I'd finally freeze this place over." He wiped the sweat from his forehead.
     "Please, I have a family! And grandkids!"
     "Oh yes I see that right here, how splendid." He pointed at the paper. "And a beautiful wife...oh, second wife...thirty years your age? You dog!"
     "Margie, yes she's..."
     "DON'T INTERRUPT ME!" The Devil continued reading. "Alright...okay. Lottery...affair...abandoned. Aha! I know just what to do with you. Mammon, get down here!"
     A great demon descended from the darkness above. He had a goat-like head with bronze flesh and was naked save a coin sack tied over his genitals.
    "Whatchoo got, boss?" Mammon growled.
     "Another rags to riches." the Devil replied. "We have ourselves a farmboy."
     Mammon looked him over. "Doesn't look dirty to me."
     "Oh he's dirty alright. Dumped his whole family after hitting the jackpot in Vegas. Swapped his wife for a twenty-something and moved to Florida, never looked back."
     "How distasteful," Mammon said.
     "Wait!" The old, chubby man begged. "That's not..."
     "Yeah, yeah we've heard it,"  Mammon interrupted. "Look man, this is Hell. We got options for you." He handed him a sheet of paper and pen. "Just sign here and we'll collect the souls of all your descendants after death for the remainder of your ancestral line. No sweat."
     The old, chubby man pretended to contemplate then signed. The ink glowed red and the paper vanished in smoke. The Devil and Mammon stared silent then broke into laughter.
     "You idiot!" the Devil laughed. "If I could pull that shit off I would easily be ruling Earth. Take him."
     Mammon spread his wings and carried the old, chubby man into darkness.
     "Next," the Devil said.

Featured in the San Diego Writers, Ink Anthology Volume 12